Christmas (3 Months home)

Wow! During the adoption process time takes on an interesting quality. Two parallel tracks at polar opposite speeds...and you dance between the two. That quality continues. It feels like Bella has been part of our family forever. Everyone of us is madly in love with her. She continues to do really well. Her language explosion has slowed just a bit but I can see her working on some of the more subtle points of language... pronouns (when to use which ones...you, me, I, etc). She has more words and more words strung together than the older three did at her age. Her newest thing:

B: sneeze (fake, sometimes)

Us: bless you

B: thank you

Us: your welcome

She could do this all day long. She loves it when we sneeze and she has the other part. Her eating has improved dramatically. I don't have to put as much thought into what and how much she eaten. Don't get me wrong...she is a typical two year old eater...but at least I can count on her eating one good meal. She has not gained much if any weight but has grown about 4 inches. She is finally on the height charts (I think). She takes a multivitamin, a multi mineral, and an omega 3 chew. Sleeping improved and then went back to not so good. She comes in with Jason and me every night at about 1am. She is processing something. She is dreaming something. This is where I wish she had a little more language, but in the meantime...she is in with us. Everyone expects that she would be excited about Christmas...she's not. That would assume she knows what is coming. She has no idea what and when. She thinks the trees are "konjo" (pretty) and she had so much fun decorating. She loves baby Jesus in the manger. She loves the snow and playing in it. She takes everything in stride. Some things we will set out to work on early in the new year...sharing with kids her age (thank you Ruth, Aster, Aster, and Milki for being patient), sleeping in her own bed, language, and potty training:)

Now for the three older kids. Andrew has gotten into several schools. He still has to hear from a few. Choosing will balance several factors (cost, majors, soccer, and friends). Eliza turned 15. She is plotting and planning how she can get back to Ethiopia. Zach is loving being a big brother. Life probably changed the most for him when Bella came home. He has become a great big brother. He loves to hold Bella's hand while she falls asleep in her crib.

What a year it has been! Merry Christmas!

Bella Update

No pics this time. Camera is broken and at the shop getting fixed. I was able to upload one from my phone:)

Bella is doing really well.

Her language continues to amaze me. Her understanding is even more of an amazement. Not to sound obnoxious, but she is really bright. Not sure how it will translate into the school environment but street smarts...she is tops. After a weekend of watching soccer...she figured out that the boys sometimes fake injury to get a call. She then entertained the family...falling down on the kitchen floor, holding her ankle saying "he tripped me, he tripped me." She then looks over hops up and does it again. The only problem I foresee is the post placement visits with our social worker :) No seriously, she has more words and more words strung together than her older siblings did at this age...and can I remind you...English is their first and only language (and they are relatively bright.)

Sleeping- She is now sleeping through the night in her bed. She shortened her nap from 2 1/2 hour to only 1 1/2 hour. It has only been 5 days but we are hoping we have turned the corner.

Eating-marginally better. She is eating. She is drinking milk which she was not doing before. She has a sweet tooth. She does like spicy food and other food not normally fed to toddlers.

She loves to clean. She walks around the house with Windex and a paper towel, spraying all surfaces. She loves the swiffer.

She loves the dogs. One of my dogs, Willow, drives me crazy not listening. My secret weapon...Bella. Willow listens to Bella. Go figure?

We are getting better at the hair braiding. Well, Eliza is. She takes Bella and sits her down...braiding. This started back when Bella came to us asking us to make her hair konjo. (Okay, that just brings up so many trans racial issues for me....so we will be the best hair braiders on the block.) I have to say I actually like her hair unbraided - a lot.

She is a typical two year old who wants her way but she is pretty easily tractable when you explain why or when she can have something....tomorrow, later, not at all bc its dangerous, enough, etc. The one thing that we have noticed is that when she is overwhelmed by her environment either because of sensory overload or a lot going around her she has a frenetic quality to her play. This has dramatically improved but we still see it occasionally. We expected to see it over Thanksgiving and did not. She is learning to enjoy story time. She is learning to enjoy quiet activities like coloring.

Life is Good

Sorry I have not blogged recently. We have been busy because:

a. Bella-an active, curious, toddler

b. Andrew-in the throws of college application

c. I am Mom to four children trying to make sure I don't forget anyone anywhere

d. Putting house on the market-dream house is for sale so should we go for it?

e. all of the above

Answer:e

So much going on in the house. Bella is truly a blessing. She is amazing and wonderful and tiring and (have I said) awesome! She is every bit of two. She can be naughty, and fresh, and head strong.... she is a delight. Every bit of her. Her language is taking off. She says things like "oh my goodness," "Bella-do," "Phone is ringing...I'll get it." "I want to watch veggie tales." She runs (actually is really fast) and climbs onto everything (loves being on the counter while I do dishes or make dinner). The absolute cutest thing that she is doing right now is...when she goes for a walk with Eliza or is being put down to bed...she will go through a list of things we need to do...kisses, noses (Eskimo kisses), hugs, high five, and then knuckle touch. I just think she is deliciously sweet. When she is rough with Zach and ends up in time out....a second later she will say.."I sowwy, I sowwy, I sowwy, Zach" I guess what I am saying is she is everything and more than we could have ever asked for or wanted.

Her eating is crummy. Both what she eats and how much. She is a peanut. Her weight is fine although since being home it she has lost weight. She eats sometimes but never consistently. We are getting a bit more structured about her mealtime. She is not on the height charts. because of this...she is on a multi vitamin and multi mineral. They are the only thing I can guarantee she will eat (oh yeah...marshmallows, too).

Her sleeping is crummy. She goes down for a nap and at night beautifully. She wakes and comes into bed with us 9 out of 10 nights. She does not sleep well. We do not sleep well but....snuggles in and makes sure we are there (she rubs Jason's beard to make sure it's him-not sure who else she is expecting)...so, we will be tired but we will be there...and one day she will stay in her bed.

She is prone to being overwhelmed and overstimulated. When that happens there is a frenetic quality to her behavior. We have gone to church with her two times. We have left before church started. We are very low key with her. Don't have her signed up for much more than a mommy and me music class-which we will take a break from during flu season. We keep her on somewhat of a rigid schedule.

She loves her brothers and sisters. She just squeals when they get home. The one that takes me most by surprise is Andrew. She shares Andrew's love of music. They sing together about everything. I mean everything. If I can download a ditty they have about milk....I will.

Andrew has been busy applying to colleges, playing soccer, and going on official visits (a sports term.) His high school did a nice article on his community service. He also made the super-y National Olympic Development team list. So a little balance for a few disappointments he has had this soccer season, including an injury at the beginning of the season. Life is a great blend of both highs and lows. He leaves for Florida tomorrow for national play-offs. Bella keeps me distracted and allows me to step back from his college process and not add any stress to it.

Oh and just so you don't think that I am some Pollyanna...Zach's teacher called and he has been way too chatty. She also said and I quote, "Don't let the grades on his report card fool you. Yes, they are good but he does NOTHING. He speeds through his work and then just hangs out. No effort....no extra credit." What am I going to do with him???? Ugh. Can you say "surfer-dude"?

We don't remember life before Bella. She adds such a wonderful spice to our life now. Jason brought up adopting another the other day. I had the same reaction that I had with Andrew, Eliza, and Zach, before and now Bella...but how could I possibly love another child like I love the four that live in this house....and I am reminded...THAT is the gift. You just do. One day you don't even know the child and the next you can't imagine waking up without them in your life. Each day I am so grateful for the four very different gifts that I have.

*** camera is broken sorry not many pictures

Week Four

Bella discovers the rocking horse in the attic and the helmets in her room. Eliza is so excited there may be another rider in the family.

Bella's first ice cream. It was a hit.

Life is settling into a new normal. It is a bit less busy in one regard, because taking a two year old out to board meetings just does not work. So my schedule has opened up. Also, lunch with friends at local haunts has been limited because I am trying to keep Bella's nap schedule a little inflexible. Other than that my friends have been wonderful. They meet me for coffee or bring lunch.

Her transition has been seamless. We do talk about the notorious honeymoon period and wonder if we are in one. Some of parenting her is soooo different than parenting our older ones.

1. When she first came home...she would not cry if she fell. We would have encouraged the behavior in the older ones. Not so in her...we made a huge fuss with her and with anyone of the olders that got bumped (comical really). She now comes to us for a kiss on her boo boo. She also cries appropriately when she gets bumped badly.

2. I never allowed the olders to watch videos...and at the time, cars did not have DVD players in them. Now, when driving the olders to their activities....Bella occasionally watches Baby Einstein and Veggie tales. She loves them both. Einstein has helped with word acquisition. She loves the music in Veggie Tales.

3. Oh my goodness, my house is driving me crazy but I am okay with it, for the moment. It is unorganized (check out the drawers in my kitchen) and toys have no home. I am okay with it. This would have made me crazy but for now....I am just enjoying Bella.

4. Each week we try or tackle something new. This week we started a Mommy and Me music class. She was quiet and hung on tight to me but she was taking it all in. After class she sang the songs and did the finger play but during class she appeared uninterested. We are learning about her as much as she is learning about our world. She sits back and observes the "rules of engagement." I am curious to see how much more open she will be next week.

Zach Attack turns 11

The eleven things that I love about you:

1. You are so passionate about soccer...read, play, watch, know soccer.

2. You are a gifted player...God made you to play soccer.

3. You pray every night for a list of people. Once you make it on Zach's list...you are there for good. God listens to those prayers, too.

4. You have a heart of goodness...you love so completely. "I love her (Bella) already." (the day after our referral).

5. You believe that you can do anything. "I am going to be the first person to play both soccer and lacrosse for UVA."

6. You love fishing.

7. You have the heart of a prankster.

8. You still want me and dad to kiss you goodnight. (Please don't ever get too old for that."

9. You love spending time with your family..games, reading, watching soccer.

10. You have one eye that is both blue and brown. So special.

11. You have the most laid back personality-think, surfer or Jimmy Buffet.

There is so much more....

Happy Birthday Z!

**Please pray for this family...that tomorrow is their day to bring home their beautiful boy.

Three weeks

Home for 3 weeks.

Can't believe she has not been with our family forever. She is unbelievable. She is so funny and fun. She is actually small for her age, although very healthy. She is right on target for her age developmentally. She did have some catching up to do with some of the things US kids are expected to do...stairs...but 2 weeks in she had them down.

Sleeping is okay. She is in a crib but I don't let her cry. She is held or rocked until she is sleepy and then she holds my hand until she is asleep. We have not mastered the sleep thing, but we are making progress.

Eating. She does not eat veggies or any fruit but bananas and applesauce. She loves bagels, meat, coffee, tea, orange juice, spaghetti sauce on spaghetti. She is not a great eater. She has actually lost several pounds from the last update we got before we got her. I have Ethiopian food for her, too.

Safety. Cars. She has no fear of moving cars and had no concept of sidewalk v. street. I have nightmares about this one.

Bonding. This child (as all deserve to be) is wired to be cherished. This is just one way she shows it....she had a scratch on her nose. Like I do or did with my older kids...I went to put neosporin on it and you would think that she had been handed a wrapped gift. She hugged and kissed me so tightly that you could forget that she is a two year old. She then proceeded to show me her other little marks/scars so I could put some on them. It is now part of our bed time routine. Bonding is a process, but we are so much further than I expected. She is on my hip but venturing out. For those of you reading books....she is social referencing. She is absolutely snugly and loves being rocked and held and cooed too.

Siblings. She loves her siblings. She runs to them when they walk in the door. She loves to do anything to get them to laugh. See video below.

Daddy. the first week she had very little to do with Jason. I think it hurt his feelings because truly he is the FUN parent. He has a great way with little ones. He coaches and is very involved. She still needs me to be around but she is sooo excited when she hears his car pull in.

Toddler adoption. Do it. Is it work? Yes. Is it worth it? So.

This is a hard thing for me to write about because sometimes it is really hard...the adjustment and the bonding. I mean really hard. I lived it. My sister was adopted as a toddler (even younger toddler than Bella) 35 years ago. Before the books. Before the therapists. Before the studies. She had/has severe bonding issues. There in lies the need to tell you that not all toddler adoption is hard. Physically...it is hard. Going from 0-2 overnight. Hard. Lifting the 30lbs. Hard. Sleep deprivation. Hard. Going back to diapers. Yucky. Occasional tantrums. Inconvenient. Loving this child. Not hard.